miercuri, 17 martie 2010

Why does this happen to me?

I am still not able of talking freely in front of people. Don't get me wrong i like socializing and I can befriend someone easily but only if I'm surrounded by 5-6 persons who can hear me or less - which means clubbing isn't a problem :P

The thing that most people who don't have such a problem don't understand is that the reactions I get before a presentation or whatever is completely involuntary.

For instance, even in my Chinese classes, where I already know all the people for at leat 5 months and I already took a 9 in my exam - so I usually know the correct answers - I still get those reactions. They consist of shivering, extremely fast heart beating & mouth dryness. Thus, when I start talking, I usually stagger.

Therefor, I usually don't answer unless I'm asked to. When I'm asked, even though I hate the state I get into, I feel obliged to answer so that people won't think I'm stupid :P. However, when I do feel the need of pointing something out and I summarize a bit in my head the ideas I'm going to talk on, just knowing that I am going to be heard and listened to by 30 persons or so I get in that state and I usually end up by... not saying anything at all.

我知道,这个不好。

Considering all these, I might've chosen the most inappropiate of languages: a tonal one. Given that I cannot talk properly and fluently in front of people in Romanian or English, how could I possibly manage to pull that off with Chinese, where 'ping' means like 15 different stuff, all depending on how you pronounce it?! Besides all those things that change fiziologically, I must also concentrate on tones. On the other hand, Chinese might help me overcome this in time. Since I like it a lot, I surely hope it will be the second case.

And yes, alcohol does help but I can't just start drinking on a daily basis now, can I? :P Along with that may come other problems.

Any advice from someone who had this fear and overcame it already? I don't need any advice from people who are born to speak in public, that's my mother and my brother's role :P!

By the way, yesterday was my mom's bday so HaPPy bDAY MoM!

2 comentarii:

Keishi spunea...

Interesting, it's not often I read entries revealing your own state of mind in public situations. You know what 99% of people have that fear too!

It found it intriguing to read because I experience it myself too, but I don't see it as a 'character flaw'. I know that I developed this over the years due to my conservative upbringing and education system as well as social norms.

Different folks, different strokes. Some people are just more outgoing and comfortable with their own voice than others.

One way to tackle this 'fear' is to find someone that you know you want to emulate. Then work out a plan (by when? What is it exactly you want to emulate). After that, take baby steps , join courses, offer to speak in public. Then , rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse!

Speaking in public or to group or people is not easy - but it can be trained. No one is born to speak in public, it is usually trained and developed after loads of experience.

Steve Jobs from Apple did not just present that the moment he was born - he put in weeks of practice before he goes on stage.

Interestingly enough, I am sure if you actually ask around your friends, I am sure they PERCEIVE you to be self confident.

devotchka spunea...

Yes, I know that at least in America public speaking is the no 1 fear while death is the second haha.

You're actually right, practice does make better even in this case. Although it depends on the crowd too. For instance, I talked in English for 5 days, with relaxed people and I myself became more relaxed. In Romania everyone is really stressed out by the tiniest things.

Anyway, I hope I can overcome this bit by bit, even though, I honestly don't think I'll manage this in Romania; but since I'm thinking for some summer courses in UK... Well that would be nice :D

Thanks for commenting!