Why does this happen to me?

I am still not able of talking freely in front of people. Don't get me wrong i like socializing and I can befriend someone easily but only if I'm surrounded by 5-6 persons who can hear me or less - which means clubbing isn't a problem :P

The thing that most people who don't have such a problem don't understand is that the reactions I get before a presentation or whatever is completely involuntary.

For instance, even in my Chinese classes, where I already know all the people for at leat 5 months and I already took a 9 in my exam - so I usually know the correct answers - I still get those reactions. They consist of shivering, extremely fast heart beating & mouth dryness. Thus, when I start talking, I usually stagger.

Therefor, I usually don't answer unless I'm asked to. When I'm asked, even though I hate the state I get into, I feel obliged to answer so that people won't think I'm stupid :P. However, when I do feel the need of pointing something out and I summarize a bit in my head the ideas I'm going to talk on, just knowing that I am going to be heard and listened to by 30 persons or so I get in that state and I usually end up by... not saying anything at all.

我知道，这个不好。

Considering all these, I might've chosen the most inappropiate of languages: a tonal one. Given that I cannot talk properly and fluently in front of people in Romanian or English, how could I possibly manage to pull that off with Chinese, where 'ping' means like 15 different stuff, all depending on how you pronounce it?! Besides all those things that change fiziologically, I must also concentrate on tones. On the other hand, Chinese might help me overcome this in time. Since I like it a lot, I surely hope it will be the second case.

And yes, alcohol does help but I can't just start drinking on a daily basis now, can I? :P Along with that may come other problems.

Any advice from someone who had this fear and overcame it already? I don't need any advice from people who are born to speak in public, that's my mother and my brother's role :P!

By the way, yesterday was my mom's bday so HaPPy bDAY MoM!

Noua-spre-zece

19 cai situati in 19 hambare se pregateau pentru 19 concursuri unde aveau sa castige 19 premii in valoare de 19 mii de euro iar cele 19 hambare erau pline cu 19 sobolani si fiecare din cei 19 sobolani din cele 19 hambare aveau 19 ascunzisuri. Cei 19 sobolani formau 19 aliante prin care conveneau ca din cei 19 cai sa nu castige niciunul. Cei 19 sobolani aveau sa formeze ei insisi un cal si sa castige ei cele 19 premii in valoare de 19 mii de euro pe care aveau sa-i cheltuiasca pe 19 roti gigantice de cascaval. Aceste 19 rotite de cascaval erau unice si fusesera placate cu aur de 19 carate de 19 bucatari foarte cunoscuti.

Si in casa mea exista 19 sobolani si chiar si ei au auzit de aceste 19 rotite de cascaval. Le-am promis ca atunci cand implinesc 19 ani sa le cumpar eu pentru ei...

... insa voi da banii pe 19 beri la Sirnaville.

Cheers.

House Parade + 18th birthday

As I didn't want to spend my 18th birthday in my hometown - Bucharest - I decided to go to Ploiesti with some of my friends, where House Parade has taken place this year.



For me it was an amazing night, passing through a lot of different feelings. I was quite bored by Markuz Schultz's music, and by the festival in general being trance-focused, until I heard a remix of "Hey boy, hey girl" by Chemical Brothers and started dancing immediately!



Tocadisco was the one in charge of my happiness and as I just put my hands on his set from that night, I want to share it with you!


PS: Unfortunately, I have no idea how to upload that big of a file, but when I get the hang of it, I will.

PPS: One of the best day ever.

Birthdays

As I child I have always thought of birthdays as opportunities for parties, having all my friends in the same place at the same time and well, parties :D. Having grown, though my excitement for parties didn't change, I started hating birthdays!

I couldn't quite get why a lot of people hate their birthdays, but now, becoming 18 in 10 days made me understand exactly what they felt. I'll soon be allowed to drink, drive, smoke, all legally and this thought completely freaks me out.

However, I didn't want to talk only about the 18th birthdays - this is a special case, I wanted to talk about birthdays in general. I've reached that age - perhaps a bit early - when birthdays make you feel old in a bad way. As a child, having grown a year was like the 8th wonder of the world. You felt mature, and you wanted to become more mature. Afterwards, everyone wants to be a child.

Life's interesting.